[vc_row][vc_column][vc_message color=”alert-info” style=”round”]Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat
I’m ok, I’m alright
Ain’t gonna face no defeat
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
Someday I’m gonna be free, Lord!
Find me somebody to love
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
-Queen
[/vc_message][vc_column_text]Deep breath, it’s not too late to turn around, if you do so immediately, but you keep walking, and now it’s too late to turn back. You’re going to meet him in the flesh, you have to because love is worth the chance. You’re nervous and can’t tell if those are good butterflies in your stomach or just bad ones wanting to burst out at the seams. This guy could very well be the last guy you ever lock eyes with. Stand up straight, boobs out and smile. But then you hear those horror stories about those people from those dating sites from when they actually meet, and they’re nothing even close to how they portrayed themselves on their profile. Yeah right, your judgement is totally better than that, you talked on the phone, you’ve been texting and exchanging photos. What if you missed something? What if it was pictures of their handsome son and it is, in fact, NOT the man you’ve been talking to all this time? He did kind of sound older. What if I don’t look like my pictures?
Dating is the pits, and I’ve been on my fare share of dates these last few years. The internet has taken over the playing field when it comes to meeting the One. If you’re one of the many singles out there looking for a little thing called Love, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. I’ve been on dates with gentlemen that I’ve met the good ole fashioned way, and even the very silly blind dates that your friends think would be such a great idea because for some reason they think they’re some kind of match maker. When it comes to dating, there’s the good, the bad and the YIKES!
When someone asks me if I want the good news or the bad news first, I always request the bad so that way it can end on a good note. My very first date after having my daughter was just a couple of months after. I was still rocking my maternity pants, which I also like to call my buffet pants. (Oh my goodness, I wore those longer than I should have). It was too soon for me to be getting back out there. For one, I had just popped out a kid but I was actually forcing myself to get out there and meet new faces. I had recently discovered around Christmas that I was a victim of deceit, and that my fiance had in fact started another serious relationship somewhere around month 4 of our pregnancy. I thought I had problems. That is, until I met my first candidate. After talking on the phone and texting for a good two weeks we agreed to meeting in person. I told him I’d be at a certain establishment with some friends that night if he wished to join and he said okay. He got there early, so I waited in my car till my friends arrived. Safety in numbers. There was a security camera pointed towards the parking lot, and it was a very small establishment, and he saw the feed. He guessed it was me and came out to my car to greet me and escort me in; he did not look like his pictures. During all of our talks he had told me that he no longer drinks and had been sober for awhile, he was already one very hard drink in because he was nervous. The night progresses with decent conversation with him now on his third – very rough – drink. He asks what I’d like and I tell him that I didn’t want anything else. So he orders me a drink anyway. My friends, who were not near yet, think things are going well. But I was secretly trying to find a way out. I was being way too nice to the guy because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He moved in to kiss me. And now, on top of already learning that he started drinking again that night, I find out that he also smokes cigarettes. To each their own of course, but it’s not my thing nor do I want to kiss a smoker. I pull away and ask him to stop and when he asks why I tell him its because I feel uncomfortable. He yanks my hair back and whispers into my ear to get over it. Well shit. I excuse myself to the bathroom and after several minutes of not returning, my posse comes in to check on me and I catch them up immediately. As I’m doing so, he comes pounding on the door trying to get in, they tell him an excuse to get him to go away, but it just makes him want to come in more. He eventually leaves and we hear his big manly truck pealing out of the parking lot. The next day, I don’t answer any of his calls or texts asking me for a second date and that he had the best time. The dude would not stop. Turns out he didn’t remember anything about the evening, so I told him and he understood that we’d never see each other again. This past year he messaged me on the same dating site with the same paragraph describing himself and wanting to get to know me to see if we’re compatible. I told my friends.
One thing every man just needs to accept is that us girls talk, we talk a lot, and more specifically we talk about you. If you send me a picture of yourself in all your glory, and I have yet to meet you, then it’s fair game and I will share… in a group text. Some of them are even saved if they’re that entertaining, like this one particular guy who put his up on a table, with a coke can next to his member, to show me just how well endowed he was. I shared it. They saved it. And periodically I still get random picture texts of coca cola cans and liter bottles from my dearest friends.
Once, I got the bright idea to post pictures in the single ads on Craigslist, in Texas. I made a close friend do it with me and we posted two very different types of pictures with two very different introductions to see just how different the responses would be. Craigslist sure knows how to make you feel violated. Some dating sites I go on for pure entertainment, others are gifts from my mother, who just wants me to find love and happiness. Others are because I want to go on dates and legitimately find someone to be with. It’s always good to keep your mind wide open and not close any doors, at least that’s what I think. Most of the time you meet the ying to your yang when you’re out there doing what makes you happy. If you’ve seen a commercial for a site or heard about one through the grapevine, I’ve been on it. Ever hear of “Farmers Only”? Yeah, even that one, thanks to another friend who thought it’d be funny (and it was). This same hilarious friend hacked into one of my other profiles and made me a fluently speaking Tagalog Lesbian with many expectations and children. I had no idea that deed was done until I got a message from some guy I had talked to long ago assuming I had jumped ship because I had been dating for a couple years now and gave up.
If it hasn’t been obvious yet, I’ve been off and on the scene for a good chunk of time now. I’ve dated the doctor, the fireman, the cop, the military, the intellectual, the dudes who have egos the size of, well you name it, he thought it, and yes even the nice guys who think they always finish last, and everything else in between.
I’ve been on a date with a guy who found a career being a Stenographer (typist in a courtroom). He talked as fast as he typed, however he also spit every time he’d speak, which was the whole date and at that point, I wished I had brought my parka for this splash zone. After dinner we went and saw a movie and his sweaty little hand held my hand and kept trying to gaze into my eyes. I pulled away, it was weird. What did I learn from that? Make the very first “date” a quick one! No double features, because you know by that first hello, deep down, if it’s going to go past a friendly conversation or not. I am friendly, it’s my nature regardless and I will talk to you, because I’m genuinely interested in knowing you, does it mean I want more than that? No, but I see how guys misinterpret friendliness for wanting to jump your bones and be in a relationship. There was another guy, I met him for a second off of eHarmony and was optimistic because of all the success stories I had heard. Well this guy, moved so fast that before the first date, we were already getting married. I stopped responding to him and luckily he got the hint.
Some of these first time dates turned into several dates and one, I even thought I was dating dating. I met him at a friends singing gig at a bar, he was her friend, there was an instant connection, and we were together pretty much everyday for four months until I asked the question, “what are we?” Oops. Turns out we weren’t dating at all, we were just friends and he didn’t even want to be that. Luckily, he introduced me to two amazing shows, Game of Thrones and Bobs Burgers – everything happens for a reason. That doctor I mentioned, I met him on Match.com and it was the best first date I had ever had with anyone. After dinner, we went and played miniature golf. We made winning bets and I dominated. We went on several dates, and it was going well, until he told me he thought we shouldn’t see each other anymore because it seemed that I wanted something more serious and he had no interest in getting into a relationship. What did I learn after that? A lot of men are not on these sites to date, they have other intentions. Go to a bar and save yourself some money. Most of the time you don’t really see these guys again, that is unless you date a guy who is the son of a man who owns a big company and you just happen to get a job there because you’ve been unemployed and applying everywhere. That did not go well, mainly for me.
I’m pretty short, about 5’2″ and I went out with a guy who was 6’4″ which I didn’t think would be that big of a deal since I’ve been in a relationship with one who was 6’2″. Turns out, that’s a huge difference and I did ask him how the weather was. We played some pool, and I don’t know what was in the air that night but I was sinking all of my shots and he wasn’t being a good sport about it. We left after that first game. What did I learn? I needed to start letting them win and feel manly. Just kidding.
I’ve been to Wal-Mart several times and I have never ever been approached and asked out – until last week. I was there for a good fifteen minutes and was almost done with all of my shopping when my Spidey senses began telling me that someone was following me down every aisle, empty handed. It wasn’t until my last stop in the toilet paper aisle, that he came by again. This time he decided to stop and tell me that I looked really good. He asked if I was married, asked if I had kids and then asked if I was single. He said a lot of other things and asked for my information on Facebook since neither of us had our phones or a pen. There was no contact after that.
Getting asked to marry someone for their Green Card? Check! I’ve been asked that a couple of times, because I’m single and a mom in economic need. Just last week I was offered twenty-five thousand dollars. Don’t worry Feds, after not much consideration, I declined the offer.
Thanks to a friend, I was introduced most recently to a new dating site, Tinder. Its an entertaining site that solely judges you on your pictures. You swipe left for NO and swipe right for YES. This guy, who I was talking to for almost two weeks had asked me out and we we’re supposed to meet last night. I was just about en route, I even put make up on for this guy, and he texted me twenty minutes before showtime asking for a rain check because he was tired. I don’t need to go into detail about that but not only does he put the ass in pass but that’s so not cool. You’re killing me smalls, I hadn’t been on a date in months!
There have been some let downs along the way but it has all been a journey to say the least. I’ve learned a heck of a lot about myself and San Diego’s single life. I’ve discovered that I definitely have a physical type. And a tendency to personalities which my friends like to call le deuche bag. Now, the trick is to find my physical type that is not one of those but someone that is good to me and see’s me as irreplaceable during date one. Is that a fantasy? Possibly. I should probably reference The Notebook here. I’m gonna dream my little dream, and I’d be more than happy to star in that blockbuster movie. Wink-wink. He exists, not all hope has been lost. I’ve learned that I will no longer disrespect myself and know exactly what I deserve. Settling is still very much out of the question. Ladies and gentlemen, do yourself a favor and don’t be in a relationship just because you don’t want to be alone. It’s not worth it, its a waste of everyone’s time. I did settle for awhile there, okay, like my whole life up until this point, the guys I was choosing to date and be with, treated me not so great and took me for granted. Though, the single life can be frustrating and lonely at times, it is also a hoot and I’m glad I’ve dated as much as I have because now I know. I’m more than a catch! To whoever you are, I can’t wait until the sparks fly. This is crazy, but here’s my number, so call me maybe?
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