[vc_row][vc_column width=”1/4″][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_images_carousel images=”836,834,830,829″ onclick=”link_image” custom_links_target=”_self” mode=”horizontal” speed=”3000″ slides_per_view=”1″ autoplay=”yes” hide_pagination_control=”yes” wrap=”yes” img_size=”medium”][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/4″][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/1″][vc_column_text]Social anxiety.
I suffer from it a bit. Generally I’m considered by my friends and acquaintances as someone who handles relationships easily and comfortably. I have them all fooled! I am actually terrified of meeting new people, of entering into situations where I feel like I am not in control, where I think somehow I’ll be exposed as a fraud. I spend a great deal of energy battling my anxiety on a daily basis.
When I was a roadie the rules about interacting with the bands was very clear. Don’t do it. No fangasms, no oggling, no interactions that aren’t invited by the band members. This was good. This allowed me a level of comfort on my job. I didn’t have to be nervous about meeting celebrities, some of them my idols, because I couldn’t engage them anyway. There was always a comfort in that. And then, if the celebrity engaged me for some reason it was actually easier to just be cool with them. Because hey, they came to me, right?
Wednesday night I experienced something that was a big challenge for me. The IntelleXual was given an opportunity to speak with former American Idol contestant Allison Iraheta, and the legendary Martha Davis of The Motels. I was so excited to have the opportunity to get our first big celebrity interviews for the shows. But I was incredibly anxious about it.
In some ways I’m like a duck on the water. Outwardly I tell everyone that I’m good. I act like I’m neither excited, nor frightened. But deep down my insides are doing backflips and knotting up. No one is very aware of just how hard all of this really is for me to do.
We got to the Belly Up in Solana Beach and got situated with the backstage dressing rooms and what we could do for the interviews. We then went next door and had dinner. I spent dinner looking over my friends, Carla and JJ, at a table filled with The Motels. Martha Davis was 15 feet from me all through dinner. I focused on my friends and colleagues while my nerves gradually began to build up and work their horrible magic against my calm. When we finally left the restaurant to get back to interview Allison Iraheta I was in full panic mode.
I combated the nerves I was feeling by focusing on the technical realities of the job at hand. I pulled my gear into the empty dressing room that The Motels were not currently occupying and I futzed with cable cords and batteries. Somehow focusing on something I had complete control over made me feel better. I was able to tame the dragon and get the chorus of doubt in me down to just a dull roar.
We finally went into the room with Allison and the members of Halo Circus. I was so nervous I started to sweat as we began the interview. I spent the first five minutes of the interview waiting for Allison to stand up and scream, “You’re a fraud!” I don’t know why that’s my nightmare. It just is. Has been since I was a little kid.
Of course she never did that. In fact, she was very nice. And as the interview went on I was able to focus more on her and less on my inner voices. Allison is a beautiful person with a great story of triumph over obstacles. Her positivity and her energy are infectious. In the end, its a great interview and I enjoyed myself very much.
Once we were done with Allison I was hoping we could turn and run on that momentum right into an interview with Martha Davis. Unfortunately we had to wait about 15 minutes. Enough time to make all the members of my chorus of doubt find their voices again. By the time we were called in to The Motels’ dressing room I was back in full panic mode. But this time, I didn’t have the time to focus on my tech problems to settle my nerves. I had to set up right in front of Martha Davis and her bandmates and I started the interview feeling very stressed.
Martha Davis is an inspiration. Her career has sustained through four decades. She’s been making music since before I was born and my childhood was filled with the melodies of her music and the poetry of her lyrics. I felt so honored just to share the same general space in the universe with her. My roadie past allowed me to keep my fangasm in check, but my doubt chorus firmly planted themselves in the way of my interview.
I spent most of the 25 minutes we had with Martha Davis worrying about the questions I was asking. I was terrified of asking dumb questions. I was sure that I was going to ask those ridiculous questions that celebrities are always asked and dread hearing. I know I asked at least one of those questions and had to double back and rework the question when she called me on it. She was gracious and never intentionally made me feel nervous or stupid. In fact she is a fascinating person to converse with. I think what we captured in her interview is interesting and cool, and I thank Martha Davis immensely for taking the time before her gig to sit down with us. I just feel like I didn’t live up to the moment. And in that I am disappointed.
Realistically speaking, I think people who will listen to the interview will enjoy it. Martha Davis is, after all, Martha Davis. Regardless of who the interviewer is, her story is interesting and inspiring and fun. I just wish that, for my sake, I had been more on my game for that experience.
I shouldn’t beat myself up too bad. I did manage two interviews back to back with celebrity musicians I admire. I got out of the house and made it happen. Lots of good things are coming from having just shown up (hello 50th anniversary of The Whisky A-Go-Go this Sunday!) and the old adage that “it’s important to just show up” was proven.
I hope that my nerves will subside as I do more of these interviews and red carpet experiences. I’m sure it will. Until then I’ll just try to remember my old mantra and just “fake it ’till I make it.“[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
