“All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them”
I could feel my heart pulsing and thumping through my neck, my breathing had ceased for the moment and the butterflies in my tummy were fluttering and trying to escape. The gates to our section of the media room were officially open for the Night of 100 Stars Oscars viewing party and my hazel eyes had locked in on the first celebrity guest that had started down the long line of eager outlets ready to get their interviews on.
Oscar night at this particular event was intense with a constant motion of filmmakers and celebrities practically swimming down the stream. Sure, I had done two red carpets prior to this, but I had yet to be THE Host on our show. The one who would lead the conversations. And the magnitude of all of it was incredible. I had told the team several nights before that I had full confidence in myself and knew that I’d be able to conduct the interviews and not break down from anxiety and run away crying from being so overwhelmed (been there done that, got the shirt).
I did my best not to think about what I had just agreed to do because it made me freak out with nerves every time that I did. I’m an actress. I’m used to following a script, and being safe inside my acting comfort-zone. Thank goodness I had been training with an improv team last year, because that definitely helped me to not stand there like a deer in the headlights on the carpet. I was ready for this opportunity. So excited and knowing that all of the years that I had performed as an actress, my training in improv, and the few months that I’ve now been a podcaster would be on my side so long as I kept having the courage to pursue my dreams.
The advice I had received before heading up to the land of dreams was to be in the moment. To be present in each moment because it’s not everyday when we are presented with such a magnificent opportunity as this. When I found out that The IntelleXual would not only be attending the Oscars after party ‘Salute to the Stars’ but this viewing party as well – I had gone into this panic mode of needing to lose weight that I had gained over the last few months.
Everything had to be perfect. Me… next to all of these gorgeous men and women. How could anyone compete with the Hollywood hotties? But, it wasn’t about me that night. It was about the talent on the carpet and getting to know them for a couple of minutes. I managed to make myself feel this added pressure because I wanted us to do so well. I tried.. and I worked out twice a day… but because I stressed myself out so extremely, I gorged, burned out and gained a few pounds instead.
I decided from that point on, though I knew I was capable of shedding the baggage, that because I had lost a substantial amount already, I was trying to force more of it for all of the wrong reasons. I was doing it for everyone but me! In reality, no one cared about me losing weight. You should always do it for yourself, and no one else.
I finally decided I was going to go to this night full of stars, in this nice dress and with my hair professionally done and I was going to stand tall, all five foot two of me, and be myself! Because that’s why I stand where I am now. The rest will happen naturally and without me stressing about it.
It took me awhile to get the hang of being the one who had to take the initiative on reeling the talent in to talk with us. I stumbled here and there, and learned quickly which questions did NOT work and which ones were okay. There was so much to take in and digest, all at once, and constantly for several hours. We were more packed into that media room with celebrities, reporters and cameramen than a tin full of sardines.
The last few months, have been proving to be a life changer for me. I have come so far out of my comfort zone that I literally reached out to Jon Voight.
He was passing the media line so fast, and just dismissing everyone, telling us all to have a good night. I practically barked my only question for him at him and just hoped that he would stop. Miraculously he stopped, he debated with himself on how to answer the question for a moment, but he answered. I did that! His response was so unbelievably candid, and he shared a special moment in his life with me. I still can’t believe I was there listening to him talking, along with other icons like James Cromwell, Frances Fischer, Bruce Boxleitner and so many more. It was such an outer body experience having the opportunity to meet these incredible story tellers. People whom I’ve admired and who’ve inspired me to keep knocking regardless of how long it takes for those doors to open.
Afterwards we made our way to the Salute to the Stars after party. It was beautiful and fun being surrounded by such a positive buzz. I made new contacts, got reacquainted with people from previous events and, once again going outside of my comfort zone, I managed to bring in an incredible reality star couple for our podcast. (#Brenchel)
I look at how far I’ve ventured in the last few months. What if I had stayed timid and hadn’t decided to push through my fears? Look at what has already come from choosing to push through them! If you’re afraid of change, then how can you learn? How can you grow? How could you possibly discover your true self? Yes, we are creatures of habit and tend to keep things the same because it’s comforting, because it’s safe. But when you really put yourself out there and believe in yourself, it’s just a beautiful thing. I’m still terrified, but I’ve learned how to keep the butterflies at bay. I’m learning to embrace myself along with every curve. To stop second guessing myself and to not hesitate when confronted with new and challenging things.
The whole night was just breathtaking.